One Month With Margot
I’m not sure how it happened but Margot is already one month old and I got some time at the computer today. She’s napping in her bassinet but just made a little noise so I’ll probably need to take a break or five. This should be interesting.
July 6th was the best day of my life and meeting Margot was the most incredible and surreal thing that has ever happened to me. I still can’t believe I’m her mom. The first two weeks were surprisingly really, really easy. I felt better than I thought I would, she slept all the time, so even though I was sore and couldn’t really go for walks, we managed to host a few brunches, had friends over, and even went to lunch at Soho House after her first doctor appointment.
Conor and I thought we had this parenting thing down.
Here’s a short recap on some of the things I’ve been asked about.
Sleep: Two weeks ago, Margot grew out of that sleepy newborn stage and since then, sleep has been tough. Margot is such a good baby but and some nights, it hurts to open my eyes, and the exhaustion is very, very real. Conor and I usually split feedings so we can each get some sleep but we’ve had those nights where she’s up for 2 or 3 hours and we’re just so tired. Days aren’t too bad though – I guess I’m used to it by now, but there’s never time to do anything, which is also a challenge. She sleeps in her SNOO which will rock her back to sleep and has given us a few more hours (amazing!) and has started napping in there this week, too.
Breastfeeding: It’s been difficult. Margot was tongue tied so getting her to latch wasn’t easy, and it’s just not working. I met with a lactation consultant at the hospital and had one come to my house, too. I loved the second consultant but after we saw an ENT and had Margot’s tongue tie fixed, she seemed to dislike latching even more. There’s very little time to pump when your baby won’t latch and needs bottles with every feed, so my supply is awful. I’m not beating myself up over it but this is something I wanted to do for her and in some small way, it feels like something I couldn’t give her. I’m not 100% ready to give up but it’s also not working, so we’ll see what happens.
Recovery: The “aftermath” of labor and delivery was much better than expected. I was sore for two weeks but the pain wasn’t that bad. By 5-7PM I felt pretty sore and just sat on ice packs. Going for walks was uncomfortable so I waited about two weeks to do that, and at 4 weeks, went to yoga, but I think it was too soon for all that stretching.
It’s strange not working and I am so anxious to work out again since I barely worked out during my pregnancy. I am also 20 lbs. heavier than usual (gained 40 and lost half) and even though it’s all so worth it, it’s a struggle since nothing fits right now and I don’t look or feel like myself.
My first mom guilt/shaming experience: I went to a yoga class last week and was talking to my friend and the yoga instructor about how the class felt (first workout back) and another mom overheard me say breastfeeding just wasn’t working, and she chimed in. “But you have to keep trying. Keep pumping. Don’t quit.” I wish moms wouldn’t make each other feel terrible when we’re all just doing our best.
Best moments so far: Sitting in the hospital bed with her and Conor, talking about our future, and crying because I couldn’t believe how much I loved her. And any moment where it’s just us rocking in her glider. I’ve loved those sweet, quiet moments with my girl.
Worst moments so far: Margot spit up what looked like the entire contents of her bottle a few times, and before I knew that was normal, I was really worried something was wrong with her. And the night she was up 3 hours was not fun.
In spite of all that, motherhood is the best thing I’ve ever done and none of these things really matter at the end of the day. My baby girl is almost 10 lbs and the doctor says she’s perfect. I’ll work out again. She’ll sleep through the night in a few months. I didn’t know it was possible to love anyone this much, and I still can’t believe she’s mine. I’ve stopped caring about the little things the way I used to because my little family is what really matters. Seeing Conor with her has been so sweet, and starting to learn what she wants and needs feels pretty amazing. I can’t wait for those first smiles and laughs.
The fact that she’s one month old has been such an eye-opener – it’s all going to go by so quickly, and I don’t want to miss a moment.
I love you baby girl.