4 weeks ago
Hope and Goals for the New Year
For the last (almost) decade, I have noticed a shift in the way I set goals. In actually doing what matters to me. Back in 2013, one of my goals or resolutions was to find love. I suppose that would belong on a vision board – it would be a manifestation, but not a goal. And I certainly can’t let something I cannot control define me. For the most part, I have been someone who has been against grand New Year’s resolutions. Sure, I’ve done Whole30, but that felt like a nice reset. I’m talking about the resolutions to wake up every day at 5AM. To make a certain amount of money, gain some sort of status etc. The ultimate lesson is knowing that it isn’t about resolutions or goals for the new year. It is about the way we live. About living and learning. About feeling happy and fulfilled.
My Hope and Goals for the New Year
I have learned that when going through a hard thing, or when you are not where you hoped you would be, so much of who you are is buried. It is then 2020, 2021, and the majority of 2022 were taken over by childhood cancer. It consumed me, and I controlled everything I could to keep my daughter safe. I worked with specialists to make sure I knew how to best support her through it. I steam cleaned and sterilized and made our home safe. None of these acts were sacrificial – they were acts of love. Nothing mattered more than making sure she was ok. There were other events – a new baby, a move, the sale of my old company, and launching and leaving another company among other things.
And somewhere in those dark, messy days, I fell apart.
But I started to pick myself back up again, and am now living the way I wanted to for years. I found a new therapist, started taking Lexapro, and learned to set boundaries. So to start a new year 5 months off-treatment, in a new home, with a new baby on the way, in a place where my career feels good (for now) feels…good.
Now that we are through treatment, I have been able to feel things I wasn’t able to feel for a while. To work on really processing the grief from the last few years as well as healing from my childhood traumas. It won’t all be solved this year, but it is something I am working on in therapy, and that feels significant.
Pre-diagnosis, I felt so stuck. So trapped. I had started a company with the hope of inspiring women and one where I could make my own schedule. I really struggled with rigid office hours, especially after becoming a mom. There was an anxious energy that I just couldn’t shake. I wanted to work, but also wanted to be able to sign off to take my daughter to the park. Or to take a vacation and not feel like I had to check in.
To be clear, this isn’t about not working and doing whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it. I have deadlines. I produce regular content and am still focusing on SEO. There are goals and projects and there’s still a whole other company I’d love to start when the time is right. Being able to know that I don’t have to push to make “more” happen this year feels good.
There are things I’d like to do and accomplish, but not so much that I need to create a list, and will feel as if I failed if they don’t happen.
With a new baby coming, chances are that I will not make that much more money this year than the last, and that’s ok. I will work less for a few months. It isn’t always about “more” – sometimes we need to do a little less, and good enough can be enough to make room for something else.
I’d love to learn a new skill if there’s time, but know that with a new baby, there might not be. And that’s ok. Maybe my new thing will be something I learn about myself and not mastering needlepoint.
I’d like to continue to spend more time living and less time attached to a screen. To break out a paper planner (it’s on the way). To unplug and go to bed earlier. I get to grow relationships (in person!) this year and find more peace in my day-to-day life. To enjoy this baby since he will definitely be my last.
What I hope you will take away from this is that a new year isn’t about a checklist. It isn’t about what you get done, and if it doesn’t go as planned, you did not fail. If you go into the year with good intentions and do your best, that is enough. You are enough.
Wishing you all the very best in 2023.