Marriage

What I Learned During Our First Year of Marriage

It’s our 1 year anniversary. 10.9.17 was one of the best days (actually, one of the best weekends) of my life. Then I blinked and a year passed, and here we are in our house with a 3 month old baby. Today, I want to talk about what I learned during our first year of marriage. 

What I Learned During Our First Year of Marriage

We were married less than a month before finding out we were going to be parents. Margot was (sort of, mostly) planned. I had just turned 35 so we started trying. We know how lucky we are that it happened right away but it was a lot to process. Our first year of marriage looked very different than how we imagined it would. Pregnancy, a new baby, and buying our first house. It was a lot.

What I Learned During Our First Year of Marriage

Communicate

I can’t stress this one enough, but I’m an over-communicator, so it would be important to me. I really wanted to talk about the changes that come with marriage, so we saw my therapist before getting married. We only went twice, but it really was so, so helpful, and it’s something we’ve talked about doing again.

Don’t Wait to Say Sorry

I spent most of my pregnancy feeling really exhausted and wasn’t myself at all, which I know wasn’t the most fun for either of us. Then we met Margot and all of that fear melted away, but having a newborn is hard. Sometimes, we forget to say sorry for the little things that weren’t terrible, but weren’t our best. Be quick to apologize.

Remember That You’re Not Perfect

It’s so easy to want your partner to know exactly what you want or to do things a certain way. Take a moment to remember that you could be better, too. It’s important to show up, be there for each other, and love each other when things aren’t perfect.

Don’t Keep Score

Marriage isn’t 50/50. There will be times when one of you is doing more than the other, and that’s ok. Similarly to my point about taking care of each other, if you show up, do your best, and ask how you can each help each other (it’s not always easy and means burying your ego at times) things will have a way of working out.

Talk About Finances

We have always been very open about our finances, even before getting engaged. Being upfront about our salaries, savings, and big purchases worked well for us. We split our house 50/50 and have a joint credit card, but haven’t combined finances yet although. My best advice is to go into marriage being honest and open about finances.

Create Your Own Traditions

Every morning, one of us brings the other coffee and we snuggle in bed with Margot. We have our favorite take-out spots and “our restaurants” for dates in the city. Any time one of us goes downtown, we offer to bring back lunch or dinner from a favorite spot. Create simple traditions that make you a family.

Take Care of Each Other

When we were in LA and Margot was struggling to sleep, I told Conor to text his cousin and go to dinner while I stayed at the hotel with the baby. He had her for 7 hours the night before while I was at an event, and I knew he needed to have a little fun.

It’s so easy to think about your own wants and needs, but if you’re both always trying to do nice things for each other, your needs might just have a way of getting met.

I’ve always said that how you treat each other when you’re struggling matters more than anything. It’s so easy to be in a good place on vacation or when you’re on a date, but how you treat each other when you’re going through something, support and love are what matters most.