How Do You Do It All?
Someone recently messaged me. “How do you do it all?” This hustle culture is an absolute nightmare. No one does “it all” – that is not how it works. We have teams, employees, childcare, partners, etc. We order take-out or have groceries delivered. My answer is simple. “I don’t.” But the fact that someone would ask means they see me as doing “it all” or more, which might imply that they are doing less, and that is just not the case. At all.
How Do You Do It All?
I have a nanny and a partner
My husband and I are able to work because we have an incredible nanny who watches Margot during the week.
The Everygirl and The Everymom are thriving because I am not the only person running it.
My blog is definitely not thriving, but it’s nice to think that someone out there thinks it is. I love blogging and have been at it 12 years this month but it comes after my family and TEG/TEM. Traffic has been fairly steady but it’s not growing, and that’s ok. And certain things like LTK do not happen even though everyone tells me I “should” put more into it.
Then there’s my “decorated” house.
I’ve shared my living room, kitchen/dining room, sunroom, and a peek at Margot’s room. Our bathrooms, bedrooms, office, basement, and Margot’s room are all unfinished, and our basement looks like an episode of hoarders. The bathrooms are in the process of being renovated right now. Even though Conor and I worked on the design together, he ordered everything and handled the contractors. It’s not perfect and I should share more of the unfinished rooms.
So like I said, I do not do “it all.”
There’s this belief in our society that success correlates with having it all or making a certain amount of money, but I couldn’t agree less. I believe that it’s about doing your best, doing something that fulfills you, and doing what works for you. It’s always been the case for me that even when things feel great, I’m generally struggling somewhere and that something has to give. There’s a constant struggle to put time into my blog or myself when I want to focus my time away from work on Margot, so I usually work on my blog after she’s in bed, but that’s my time with Conor, so I do what I can when I can.
The mom guilt is something
I’m guilty when I’m not with Margot and we’d lead a very different life but could make it work if I chose to stay home with her, but I love working. I also love my baby. I feel pulled in so many directions and there’s guilt for wanting to work, but I also cherish every moment I spend with Margot. I’m with her every single morning and evening, and our weekends are ours. I also work from home at least 2 days a week so I’ll get to spend a little extra time with her then, too.
It was a lot at once, and again, I didn’t do it alone
The launch of Everymom, the purchase of my first home, moving from the city to the suburbs, and having a baby all happened in a 3 month period. I relied on my husband, my team, and my physical therapist to get through it. And then there’s the fact that no one ever asks my husband how he manages work, house projects, and fatherhood but that’s a whole other post for another day.
I’m really lucky to have a husband who divides parenthood with me but there is a lot more that falls on me and it seems that most of my “mom friends” feel the same way. It’s not a complaint and I love taking care of my girl. I pack her diaper bag, sit in the back seat on long rides, I’m always the one to sit next to her at restaurants, and she generally wants me when she’s upset. She loves her dad but I’m her mom, and I do not take that for granted. I have a husband who’s a GREAT dad. When Margot wasn’t sleeping well and wanted me at night, he was up with her in the morning so I could get more rest. He’s there for bath time and split most feedings and was by my side when she was super fussy and only wanted me. I am very very lucky.
Motherhood is so hard
Being a mom is a full-time job. I don’t think there’s a way to take on that role without some sort of help or support. You need a nanny, daycare, babysitter, partner, family, or friends. Don’t hate me for saying this, but I used to think moms made motherhood sound harder than it was. And then I had Margot. I used to babysit and had such a good grip on the kids I watched. Surely I’d be a pro at my baby. It is so much harder (for me, and most of my friends who I’ve talked to about this) than anything I’ve ever done. Yes, it is also the most amazing thing I’ll ever do. I have all the respect in the world for moms who are with their babies all day.
Figure out what matters to you and make the time to go after it.
Whether that’s time with friends and family, working out, or chasing a side-hustle, we all have something. Do what you love and prioritize feeling fulfilled. Part of me has no idea how I get anything done ever, but I felt that way long before becoming a mom.