3 years ago
Should We Move In Together?
I had never lived with a significant other so you can imagine that moving in with someone for the first time–at 34–felt like a very big deal. Here are some of the ways we knew that a year-and-a-half into our relationship was the right time for us.
Do it for the right reasons
Moving in with someone was something I never thought I’d do before getting engaged or married. Last year, Conor stayed with me for 6 months after selling his place and we decided that we didn’t want to go back to living apart. We had a lot of serious conversations about the future before moving forward and I went back and forth a few times since I overthink everything. In the end, it felt like a positive next step for our relationship.
Talk about the future
Wanting to live together now is a wonderful thing, but what are your plans in the months and years to come? If you’re not ready to talk about where you see things going, you’re not ready to live together. Discuss engagement, marriage, kids, and where you see yourself living in the future. Our conversations weren’t always easy but we talked about everything because going in with the hopes that we would “figure out out” wasn’t an option for us.
Discuss needs and expectations
Make a list of the things that are most important to you and include everything from who you’ll spend the holidays with to how often you want to have friends over. It’s often the case that we have these ideas of what things will be like but chances are–since you’re two entirely different people–that things look a little different to your partner.
Conor is pretty clean but I take cleanliness to a whole other level. Making the bed means nothing to Conor but I can’t not have a made bed and he’s always happy to help when I ask. I do almost all the laundry (mostly because I get to it as it starts to pile up) and he takes the dogs out.
If you’re Type A, living with someone else will mean figuring out what’s standard vs. what meets our standards, and learning to let go. You won’t have answers to everything before living together but having a conversation about cleanliness and keeping the lines of communication open when things come up will make the process a lot easier.
Have the money talk
If you’re moving in with someone and find yourself in different financial situations, sit down and have an honest and open discussion about money. For us, this meant Coming up with clear guidelines for spending patterns and figuring out a fair division for rent that works for both of you. I’ll talk more about how we split and track everything soon.