4 weeks ago
On My Mind This Week: 12.21.21
10 Things: What’s On My Mind This Week, 12.21.21
1. Let’s start this on a light note, because I have a lot of feelings today and this might get a little heavy.
Now that Succession is over, Conor and I were talking about needing a new show. It feels like we’ve watched everything. He said that we should take up a hobby and I’m not sure if he was serious but it hit me. I really do need a hobby and knew (instantly) what it needed to be!
Carly and Amy have inspired me to give needlepoint a try! I scoured Third Coast Stitches site since it’s a small, local shop, (recommended by Carly) and plan on placing an order online. This feels on-brand? Love this, too. I hope I enjoy it as much as I think I will, because I have a dream of making Christmas stockings for our family one day. 😬
2. Three days ago, we were $7000 away from having raised $250,000 for childhood cancer research and to help families through treatment.
I shared this post hoping that we might hit a quarter-million-dollars before the end of the year, but knew it was a long shot. After all, I had just raised $2500 when I offered to match up to $2500 for our hospital’s oncology department. But everyone was so generous (again), and we have now raised more than $258,300. I wasn’t sure $7k was going to happen, so $15,000 over the course of a weekend felt entirely off the table.
It was the boost I needed.
Fundraising changes nothing for my daughter. Margot’s treatment is set in stone, but we can make things better for other kids. Only 4% of government funding goes to our kids. Yes, our kids. This is the funding for your children if they are one of the 43 children diagnosed each day. Our kids deserve so much more.
3. It has been a hard week, but things are really good, too.
Does that even make sense? I’m struggling with where we are with the pandemic, all while being so happy that it’s Christmas time. Focusing on the good. I can’t wait for Christmas Day with my girls. Conor’s family is isolating for five days and then testing (PCR) so they can see us. I’m really looking forward to making Christmas breakfast together, baking, opening presents…all of it. I had to buy myself pink heart pajamas because Margot really wanted to order them for me. I jokingly said I wish I had them and she said “don’t worry mom, I’ll order them for you” so I’m letting her have that.
4. It’s impossible not to feel discouraged by this new variant.
I’m sad and angry. Holiday cheer is helping make things feel a little better, but this sucks. It is a privilege to get to stay home and keep our girls safe. I get to order groceries for delivery, make our house feel cozy, don’t have to go into an office, and we have someone who is isolated help care for our girls. I take none of that for granted, but it’s hard not to feel like things could have played out a very differently with this pandemic.
March will mark two years of being mostly isolated. I haven’t eaten indoors at one restaurant that entire time. I’ve seen a handful of friends unmasked (after isolating). I understand that our circumstances are different, but this has made treatment harder, scarier, and lonelier. It didn’t have to be this way.
When cases were low I understood people living again, but it’s really hard to see people not taking this seriously when so many are getting sick. I see people hopping on planes with their unvaccinated kids and throwing parties like it’s nothing. Last weekend, I heard from half-a-dozen vaccinated, boosted people who all got COV*D. A few even felt sick.
I’ve canceled anything that isn’t absolutely necessary, which means Margot won’t get to see Sing 2 in theaters.
We were renting a private theater, but even that no longer feels safe. I’m so glad we had our (masked) hotel stay last week, because it all feels scarier now. I canceled seeing my physical therapist yesterday even though he’s boosted and our sessions are masked in a private office. The occasional errands are once again, over for us. It is what it is, but sometimes, this feels never-ending. I know many of you have done a great job at being safe, but I wish everyone would take this seriously.
5. On a much (much) lighter note, two months later, I finally shared our plans for our house project.
Are we moving in? Selling? Why did I wait so long to share? It’s all in this post.
7. Ok wait. One more kind of serious thing.
I’ve been thinking about a few (very few) comments that I received over the last few weeks and this has to be said. I will not engage with and will immediately delete rude comments. False accusations and judgement will not be tolerated. I’m all for asking questions, but can we just be kind to one another? My blog isn’t a public forum – it is a personal blog. I can’t and won’t stand for it.
Let this be a reminder: you deserve to be respected. Setting boundaries is always ok.
8. Ok wait. More feelings, but this feels important since the holidays can be hard for some.
If you’ve been around for a while, you know I’ve been open about how some of my friendships have fallen apart the last year. This experience is obviously not unique to me, but I wanted to share this for those of you who may be feeling alone or aren’t in a great place with it. So many of us are going through it.
The moms in my support group have shared similar experiences, which normalized what I went through. Between talking to my support group, therapy, putting time into the friends I’m still close with, following Dr. Miriam Kirmayer (she’s a friendship expert and her content is so helpful!) and time, I started to feel a lot less sad. One day, something t clicked, and I stopped missing the people who weren’t there for me when I needed them most. Do I wish things were different? Of course. But I have some wonderful friends who I am still very close with, and those are the people who deserve my time and energy.
If you’re struggling, there is hope. And as sad and lonely as it might feel, you are not alone. I’m in a completely different (much better!) place than I was even a month ago. It is ok and normal to grieve the end of a friendship.
9. This is really random but my cuticles have been a mess, and my hands have been so dry.
10. Kate keeps getting more and more fun.
She can name most of the ornaments on our tree. Tanta! (santa), howwww (house), ninne (minnie)! She knows her colors and even a few letters. Her dance moves keep getting better. She spins! And she really likes saying no. If Margot takes a toy from her she shakes her finger at Margot and says “no Go Go!” The snuggles are heaven, her laugh is infectious, and she’s the sweetest.
She also loves deddie (Jessie) so I had to order a second one of these because the constant tears were too much. Now both girls can carrie a Jessie around all. day. long. I swore I wouldn’t buy a second but it was nonstop.